just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
