does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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