I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize