i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
