Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i out mim tonsoeep
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
