I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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