end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
