mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
