Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize