I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where is the hickey?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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