I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize