I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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