i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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