Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize