ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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