I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
