ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
