I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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