He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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