3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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