You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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