It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
where are my eyebrows?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize