My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
