u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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