I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
