walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize