It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to calm my uterus...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
