He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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