ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
