would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
