How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
