I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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