She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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