you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
