I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she told me i tasted like america
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
