its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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