ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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