my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
