how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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