He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize