my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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