Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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