I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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