shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
