Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
