It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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