I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
