Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
