I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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