I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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