So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
