She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
