I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
