sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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