hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
