So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
