she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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