Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
