i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
