she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
