saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
