we're blogging at a bar
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
