I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
