I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
