The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I FOUND THE LEGS
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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